Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
