this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
