why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
