he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
