i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
