He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
