So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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