opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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