I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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