She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
