"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
