Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
