Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
