I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
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in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
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Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
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