I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize