My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
