just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Is it because I queefed?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
