when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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