So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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