He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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