you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize