He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
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Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
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You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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