My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
