I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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