i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
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to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
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Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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