my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
