Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
