I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
