i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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