i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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