I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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