drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
