HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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