my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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