had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
