Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
