where does the pee come out of this thing
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
