The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
