the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right