so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
The police scanner is talking about you again....
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.