I wish I could teleport
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing