Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.