i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
