): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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