At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
