her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize