well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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