I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
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the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
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Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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