I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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