You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
