Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
