i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
