I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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