Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
