hotel room ftw
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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