dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
