You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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