I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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